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I can relate to Violette. We need a few minutes of small talk to warm up. Here are 3 examples of things you can try to learn about someone:. You can challenge yourself to ask people about these things when it feels natural. A mission gives you a reason to talk to someone and helps you uncover things you have in common. They also want to know something about who they are talking to.
Here is what years of experiments and trial and error have unearthed for me.
I hope my story and some of the things I list in this article give you some ideas and help with your particular situation. Ok, you may continue reading, or Not. The choice is yours. The problem is you have no idea how to be less boring. I do, however, admire charismatic and lively people with vibrant personalities. I had and still do have an unusually higher sensitivity to outside stimuli big personalities, and hectic environments. I feel things very deeply. I think it may have been why I was so shy, especially anyone bored and feel like chatting crowds.
Sure everyone has felt shy at one point or another in their life, but I was shy to the point that It was debilitating. An empath, according to Dr. These childhood struggles and worries left their mark on my life and scarred part of my soul, but they also helped shape who I am today. A situation that was scary in and of itself but at the same time, I saw it as an opportunity to reinvent myself.
My life started to anyone bored and feel like chatting after that and some of my fondest memories were during this period when I learned to feel better in my own skin and learned my irrational fears of being boring were controlling my life. People who know me have a hard time believing I was ever a shy or insecure person who worried if other people thought I was boring. By facing my fears and insecurities, I was facing my bully, acknowledging its presence but not letting it have power over me.
I had to do a lot of things outside of my comfort zone. By doing so, I built courage and achieved personal growth. Conquering my fears gave me the courage to suck the marrow out of life. Anyone bored and feel like chatting these experiences, I might not have moved to France, Eloped to Scotlandor moved to Japan when I was 18 years old and lived there for 3.
The 10 differences between interesting people and boring people
I would love to tell you that I completely overcame my insecurities, but the truth is, I still feel remnants of those old childhood pangs; shyness. The fear that other people will find me boring sometimes creeps back into my head.
Why I Was Bored living in France! How I Beat Expat Boredom. The first step in overcoming some of your fears about being a boring person is recognizing that these are irrational fears. I ended up droning on and on, talking only for the sake of talking. It was both exhausting and unnatural. Listen to them and genuinely be interested in what they have to say. Read books about being a magnificent storyteller. Your ability to have interesting and meaningful conversations will not only help develop your people skills; it will improve your life.
Improve your conversations and say goodbye to boring small talk and questions about the weather. Discover what's stopping you from saying what you want to say, Conversation starters and more. I never considered myself a downer until I met someone who was. Unfortunately, I saw a little of myself in this other person. I think making someone laugh was a self-defence mechanism to admit to a flaw and make light of it through laughter before someone else could notice or say something. You may not even see yourself as a downer, but call yourself a realist.
Solution: Sometimes life can get you down but when life gives you lemons make lemonade. Fun people like to laugh, tell jokes and let loose once in a while, the total opposite of an uptight person. All I could see were problems everywhere, and it consumed me and oozed into other parts of my life.
Turn people on:
It made me a not so fun person to be around. They look around, and all they see are problems and trouble instead of relaxing and having fun. Solution: Resist your urge to be overbearing and controlling or judgy.
Pick and choose your battle and let loose once in a while. Laugh at yourself once in a while. Complaining about everything is a little bit like being really uptight. No one wants to be around someone who complains about everything. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. Solution : Chronic complainers feel as if the world has given them the short end of the straw. Listen, take a step back and examine your motives for complaining.
There is usually another underlying reason or desire underneath all the criticizing and complaining. Fun people tend to get out there in life and do things. Without life experiences, what do we talk about. By putting yourself out there, you have the added benefit of having more experiences outside of work, which means you just might have more to talk about.
: Not everyone has the time, money or inclination to get out there and suck the marrow out of life. When my boys were young, money was tight, and I barely had enough time to do the bare essentials; work, take care of my children, cook and clean.
Overcoming the fear of boring other people!
To say that it was hard for me to get out there, try new things and have a life is an understatement. Looking back, I should have tried harder or made more time to do things outside of my routine. I always had an excuse.
Solution: Make time, even if only once in a blue moon, to do something out of the ordinary — anything, big or small. In reality, it was probably my anxiety showing through, and then it just became my face in its natural state.
I had to work really hard on my facial expressions. : When I think of a boring grouchy person, I picture scowling faces and furrowed eyebrows. Which one are you? All Smiles or all frowny? Solution: When I think about fun or happy people in my life, I picture them smiling, laughing and just being jovial. The simple act of smiling can not only lift the spirits of another person but also your own.
Smiling is also contagious. The next time you make eye contact with someone, smile at them and see what happens. Try it; it works. Mix things up a bit. Start right now. Stop planning everything. I used to be so hung up on climbing the corporate ladder. It consumed me and my life. Who wants to hang out with someone who enjoys working more than they like laughing and having fun.
I still work hard, but now I try to play just as hard.
2. drop the cool act.
Solution: Spend more time outside of work. I imagine artists and athletes might be in this category. I love drawing in photoshop and illustrator, yoga, learning the Ukelele, crafts and DIY. I look forward to these things which I think make me more interesting to others, especially those that share my interests. It gives us common things to talk about and bond with.
You have no drive to do anything beyond working, eating and sleeping. Solution: Get a hobby, get out there and meet other people who enjoy that same hobby.
We should be friends
It can give you purpose and make you feel more fulfilled. Certain hobbies also benefit from putting you in contact with other people who share the same passion as you- sailing, golfing, knitting club, mine-craft group, cooking and even board games.
Unfortunately, the long-lasting psychological effects of living like a loner are feeling lonely or isolated at times. We are social beings.
Boring people have unbalanced conversations.
Inresearchers from Brigham Young University looked at multiple studies on loneliness and isolation, involving several hundred thousand people. They found that social isolation resulted in a 50 percent increase in premature death and increased stress and cortisol levels. Health reasons aside, I found that when I feel lonely and isolated, it affects my mood and personality in social settings.
I never know what to talk about. First of all, being a loner is not bad; however, being a loner may not be by choice if it causes you to feel lonely and isolated.