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When you're suffering, it's natural to want to talk to someone about your problems. Everyone needs a listening ear sometimes.

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It can be hard to talk to people about how you feel. You may be worried that they won't take your feelings seriously. You may also be worried about what will happen after you tell them your problems. If you think you don't know anyone who will listen, you can call a confidential counselling service.

Name: Philippine
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But then I realized, hang on a second, I think this other person was the reason I felt so good about this talk, how did he do that?

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I started to think about a few of the things this person did, that made me feel so comfortable and open to speak with him. In usual Buffer blog manner, I thought of finding some real science to back up some of the simple habits this newly found friend had so ingrained when talking with me.

The word conversation generally brings to mind talking—at least for me. In fact, listening is half of a successful conversation—you take turns to talk, and everyone feels heard. This is great communication. You might have heard of talk with someone listening before.

Talk to or talk with?

Active listening, in fact, means taking part in the conversation and working on the rapport between you and your partner. He also talks about empathic listening—understanding your conversation partner fully, rather than seeing what they talk about through your own point of view.

Empathic listening is the one we want to aim for to have meaningful conversations with others. It works in four stages, one after the other:. If this seems overwhelming at first, you might like to think about it in a more simple way.

In fact, our names actually affect our whole lives, more than talk with someone of us realize. Students with more likable names tend to get higher grades from their teacherswhile students whose names begin with A or B have been shown to have ificantly higher grade point averages than those whose names begin with C or D. The effects continue after school as well, with people whose names have negative connotations like the surnames Short or Little more likely than others to feel inferior throughout their lives.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we love to talk about ourselves. In fact, we love it so much that it triggers the same sensation of talk with someone in our brains as food and money do. This makes sense when you realize that talking about our own beliefs and opinions, rather than those of other people, stimulates the meso-limbic dopamine system, which is associated with the motivation and reward feelings we get from food, money and sex.

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The lesson here is that if you want to make your conversation partner feel good, get them talking about themselves and their interests. Making them feel important is slightly different—it shows that you place value on their thoughts and opinions, and can encourage them to engage more in the conversation.

5 steps to talking to someone you trust

This can also be a trigger for them to re-evaluate their perceptions of you, giving you a chance to use steps 1—3 above to engage them in a rewarding conversation. His second suggestion is to ask for their advice. This gives the impression that you value their opinion, which is a little confidence booster.

It also gives them something to talk about, which they care about see 3.

Talking to someone you are worried about

When people were asked whether they would prefer a partner who has similar personality characteristics or complementary ones, the majority of people said they would choose someone with complementary traits. The data, however, shows that we are actually more likely to choose a partner who we think is very similar to us.

Here is a quick overview from a great Youtube video about this:. So how can you point out similarities between you and your conversation partner, to make them more likely to enjoy your company?

Need someone to talk to? stop feeling isolated

This serves two purposes, since you also want to keep them talking about things they like, as per 3. Another hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, explained in an interview how paraphrasing can be powerful for better understanding in a conversation:. Just to refresh your memory before you go, here are the five tips to help you have more successful conversations: 1. Active listening 2.

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Use their name 3. Let them talk about themselves 4. Make them feel important 5.

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Emphasize similarities. Want to chat about this post? You can leave a comment below, me or find me on Twitter at BelleBethCooper.

Talking through problems

They listen first — then focus on being Active and Constructive The word conversation generally brings to mind talking—at least for me. Here is a quick overview from a great Youtube video about this: So how can you point out similarities between you and your conversation partner, to make them more likely to enjoy your company? Another hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, explained in an interview how paraphrasing can be powerful for better understanding in a conversation: The idea is to really listen to what the other side is talk with someone and feed it back to them.

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A quick summary of the 5 top communication habits Just to refresh your memory before you go, here are the five tips to help you have more successful conversations: 1. Emphasize similarities Want to chat about this post?

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