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Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book. We live in a time when kids of all ages are bombarded with age-sensitive material wherever they turn; "sexting" and bullying are on the rise at an increasingly younger age, and teen moms are "celebrified.
With wit, wisdom, and savvy, Deborah Roffman translates her experiences gleaned from decades of teaching kids and We live in a time when kids of all ages are bombarded with age-sensitive material wherever they turn; "sexting" and bullying are on the rise at an increasingly younger age, and teen moms are "celebrified. With wit, wisdom, and savvy, Deborah Roffman translates her experiences gleaned from decades of teaching kids and parents, and as a mom, into strategies to help parents navigate this tricky terrain.
Talk to Me First is for any parent who wants to become and remain the most credible and influential resource about sexuality in their children's lives.
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Showing Average rating 4. Rating details. More filters. Sort order. Aug 03, Michael Simon rated it it was amazing. One of the most frustrating and scary things about parenting adolescents is how quickly and often imperceptibly things change. What worked for your pre-teen or teen last week doesn't work this week. The knowledge you had a couple of months back about who your son or daughter's friends are is, in a moment, found to be inaccurate. What felt before to your son like kind, caring interest now feels like intrusion.
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But it doesn't happen without your teen, especially, feeling that you can be asked about, semi-respectfully argued with, and probed for your own opinions and values. Your teens want to know what you value and will use that information gleaned more from what you do and how you do it, than from what you actually say to figure out their own similar and unique values that form their sense of identity.
If your teenager and pre-teen can ask you questions, express their own thoughts and have them listened to without a whole lot of judgment thrown in--while at the same time you provide sound information in a reasonable, calm way--you're on the way to "getting it.
Your kids will be safer, make better choices and manage the risks of adolescent more smoothly. Lest you think "getting it" is an elusive quality that cannot be taught--like being cool--it isn't. She begins in the way I believe all parenting books should begin: with a thoughtful, accurate understanding of the current cultural context of sexuality in the United States.
Mastering difficult conversations
She reminds us that teens need our proximity more than ever during adolescence and that despite the "independence" they represent and have represented to them by mass mediathey are hungry for you to be what Roffman calls an "askable parent. It doesn't mean you have to not have reactions or express your own values; it just means that you don't lead with them if you want your teen to be open to your positive influence. If your kids don't "talk to you first," who will they be talking and listening to in getting the "right" messages about sex, sexuality, boundaries and good decision-making?
Well, you already know the answer to that: they'll get their answers from out of the places they spend the most time. Inwe know that teens and pre-teens increasingly spend the majority of their time connected to mass digital media. This book is an antidote to that unfortunate situation.
Roffman explains that children are indeed sexual beings but it doesn't meant that they want you need to talk to me have sex. She helps the reader understand the difference between talking about all the aspects of sexuality and giving "permission" for your older children to engage in whatever behaviors they want.
The book is eminently practical, helping parents understand the multitude of ways to talk with kids about sex and sexuality depending upon context, age, gender, grade level and the like.
I especially applaud--and think readers will find enlightening--her refusal to make "one size fit all. She knows that morals, values and beliefs can be best expressed to our children in changing ways, based on developmental stage and age.
As a psychotherapist and adolescent specialist, I can say that one of the best things about the book is that it is ultimately a guide for how to create kids who can guide themselves well, in a challenging, media-soaked digital world. Roffman's tone is down-to-earth, grounded in a deep knowledge of child development and always respectful to children, parents and educators. But this isn't a confusing choice: Talk to Me First "gets it" and belongs on the bookshelf of every parent and teacher. Feb 13, Eva rated it it was amazing Shelves: I keep telling friends about this book, because it goes beyond a book about talking about sex to become a great summary of child development and parenting writ large.
Her fundamental point is that sexuality is just one of many aspects of kids' lives that they have to learn to understand and navigate, and that parents must prepare their children to be sexual beings in the same way they prepare them to become kind and thoughtful friends, drivers, drinkers, college students, and ultimately responsi I keep telling friends about this book, because it goes beyond a book about talking about sex to become a great summary of child development and parenting writ large. Her fundamental point is that sexuality is just one of many aspects of kids' lives that they have to learn to understand and navigate, and that parents must prepare their children to be sexual beings in the same way they prepare them to become kind and thoughtful friends, drivers, drinkers, college students, and ultimately responsible adults-- by repeatedly and age-appropriately teaching them about the values and ethical framework that we reply upon as we make decisions in our own life.
Oct 03, Amy rated it it was amazing. I like books that give me theoretical and philosophical support for stuff I already think.
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This book is all about how sex is a topic like any of the other thousand topics parents teach their children every day over many years. Basic parenting principles apply to this difficult subject just as they do to other less-difficult subjects. Anyhow, I feel empowered to be a better educator for my children after reading this book. Mar 23, Boz rated it it was ok.
Read the Appendix before you read the book. More than any of the core content of the book, the appendix distills facts and information readers should really know before diving in. How did the relatively sane world we used to know and count on turn into a twenty-first-century Alice's Wonderland, where suddenly up is down, down is up, yet life goes on as "normal?
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And most important, how do we turn it around? This is an excel Read the Appendix before you read the book. This is an excellent excerpt and representative of the overall tone of "Talk To Me First.
This book was recommended by Planned Parenthood and is clearly highly recommended here on Goodre and Amazon. I wanted some third-party, expert advice around becoming the go-to source not just in my mind, but in my kids'. Consider that most kids do not learn about sex from their parents: Even the most liberal among us can probably agree that pornography makes for poor you need to talk to me ed. Friends and public schools are also not necessarily the best places to be learning about sexual values. Roffman advocates for values-based sexual education. She balances a realistic view of fact-based, comprehensive sex education with the need for guidance in values around sexual activity.
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She has been recognized by both Planned Parenthood and the National You need to talk to me of Republican Women, meaning from a "political spectrum," she talks to both sides. Too much of the book was assumptive that times used to be better, that people did not behave in certain ways in the past that they do today, and that much of our "permissive attitudes" can be put at the feet of increased access to highly sexualized content in the wake of the AIDS crisis.
In discussing "tweens" and the perception that kids grow up too fast: Heck, my mother lived through the Great Depression without dressing in sexy lingerie or experimenting with oral sexI'm almost certain. This assumption that things used to be better, that people used to be more moral, that somehow our own parents are free of fault is one that niggled at me throughout the book. Data does not back this up.
The extensively researched, "Harmful to Minors" debunks the idea that the current generation is somehow more hedonistic or less moral than prior generations. If anything, the "i-Gen" and younger have more conservative sexual values than Gen-Xers, with a higher average age for participating in sexual activity and lower incidence of sexually-transmitted diseases than prior generations. This is not a bad book, far from it. Roffman does a great job of talking to both sides of the values spectrum of America; no easy task. If you feel uncomfortable discussing sexuality with your kids, don't know how to approach them or understand why they won't talk to you, this is a solid book.
Feb 22, Elise rated it it was amazing. This is one that I am sure to read again and recommend to all the parents I know. Jul 11, Joel rated it it was amazing. Absolutely essential reading for all parents.
Lots of it is about older kids, but in order to set the foundation it should be read by age 4. Buy it and read it now if you have kids over the age of 3.
Feb 03, Ashlie rated it it was amazing. A must-read for anyone that hasmay havewas. Should be required reading for every parent.
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Dec 15, Miriam rated it it was amazing. It took me a really long time to get through this book since it is sort of heavy stuff. But I will definitely refer back to it as my kids age.